These
two women represent two different
segments of many scenarios that
modern grandparents are dealing
with.
Nancy and husband Jack have full
custody of their grandson Matthew
and rarely see their daughter Anita.
Eleven-year-old Matt has lived
with the McSloys since he was 18
months old. They decided to
seek custody of the baby because
"Anita couldn't look after
him." Taking care of the
infant for weekends and then weeks
told them that they'd have to seek
custody rather than watch the child
go into foster care.
This is the situation for many
grandparents today, as societal
pressures and an aging demographic
combine to mean that very young,
drug/alcohol dependent or absentee
parents are abandoning their duties
causing the older generation to step
up.
Marj and Larry Cowan are
grandparents to Samantha (20 months)
and MaKenna (15 months), the
daughters of two of the couple's
four children. Marj
understands that much of what she
learned as a parent no longer
applies, so she decided that being a
fully involved grandma would take
some study on her part.
The Cowans are also dealing with
a third scenario that many of
today's grandparents have --
distance grandparenting. Their
daughter, Cori, lives in Calgary and
is expecting a baby in the fall.
Fortunately for both of these
types of grandparents there are
community resources. In fact,
Nancy helped to start a 'parenting
again' support group that meets
monthly at Childreach on Horton
Street.
Also at Childreach, Ann McKay
offers workshops aimed at helping
grandparents who have taken on the
role of parent to gain or regain
necessary skills.
The Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren course is presented in
three sessions and offers practical
advice, community resources, mutual
support and networking
opportunities. It is offered
at no cost to the participant and
there are childcare services.
Though these grandparents need
information and knowledge about
community resources, according to
McKay, what they most appreciate is
knowing that there are others in
similar situations. They also
want to know that they weren't
terrible parents.
They ask, "What role did I
have in bringing up a child who is
unable to be a parent themselves?
For grandparents who want to boost
their knowledge level about how
things are done in today's great
world of kid-handling, Lynn
Hendershot offers a course that
updates grandparents about how
safety and technology are looked at
differently within parenting
nowadays. She offers many
take-home suggestions for resources,
both Internet sites and books.
"Lynn has an interesting
approach," says Marj.
"She's a grandmother,
too." Marj liked the
course so well she's taken it three
times; the last time to pick up tips
on distance grandparenting in
preparation for the birth of her
third grandchild.
Realizing that cooperative
grandparenting with the parents of
her children's spouses is vital,
Marj was eager to build on an
already positive relationship.
So, she gave the course as a gift to
MaKenna's other grandma, her
daughter-in-law Heather's mom --
Margie Parkin.
Though she learned a lot of
practical information about changes
in parenting, the lesson that Marj
appreciates most is "remember
to ask, not to assume. Call
first and respect their space."
She also remembers Hendershot
cautioning the class "to be
prepared for powerful emotions.
I wasn't," she admits but
smiles when she speaks about feeling
an instant connection with the new
grandbaby.
Nancy also feels a special
connection to Matthew because of
their close relationship. In
fact, she describes "the joy of
having him" as one of the
advantages that counterbalances any
negative factors in being a parent
later in life when most of her peers
are able to relax into traditional
grandparenthood and enjoy the
leisure that is 'supposed to' come
as one gets older.
Though parenting a grandchild can
be draining on finances, health,
patience and time, Nancy insists
that she enjoys Matthew and having a
young child again, "keeps you
young."
-- -- --
DISTANCE GRANDPARENTING
Ann McKay recommends the following
to stay in touch
- Tried and true -- the telephone
- High tech -- computer/email
- Grandpa's voice -- make an audio
or videotape of yourself reading a
bedtime story
- Motion pictures -- make a
videotape of you and the child
enjoying a favourite activity during
a visit and send it home with
him/her to keep the memory fresh
- Little gifts -- dollar store finds
make small, thoughtful gifts that
you can send frequently without
breaking the bank
-- -- --
CONTACTS:
The Joy of Grandparenting,
October 2, November 6, 2004,
Ontario Early Years Centre,
519-455-2791
Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren?
Ontario Early Years Centre,
519-434-3644
RESOURCES:
-Grandparenting ABCs: A
Beginner's Handbook, Berman
-How to Build a Grandma
Connections, Bosak
-The Grandparent Guide: The
Definitive Guide for Coping with the
Challenges of Modern Grandparenting,
Kornhaber
-www.grandloving.com
-www.grandparenting.org
-www.grandparentworld.com
